“Tell me how you’re feeling.”
She looked at me and said, “I don’t think adults in the professional environment should feel. I think just do. Do your job.”
And for a moment, I felt it. The pull of that wish. Wouldn’t it be easier if we could all just “do the job” and leave our emotions at the door?
But here’s the truth: that’s not how we’re leading anymore.
The Old Model
The old model of leadership treated emotions as liabilities. Tears meant weakness. Anger meant insubordination. Joy was “unprofessional.” Leaders were taught to flatten themselves into neutral at all costs.
The Reality in Districts
In districts, this shows up everywhere:
- Teachers told to “be resilient” instead of resourced.
- Leaders expected to deliver strategy while suppressing grief or frustration.
- Staff told to “leave feelings at home,” even when the work is literally about children’s lives.
And it sounds efficient: just do your job. But it isn’t real. Because emotions don’t disappear just because they’re silenced. They leak out in turnover, in toxic cultures, in students who feel the weight of unspoken tension.
The Reframe
I told her, “You’re right; it would be easier if it worked that way. But it doesn’t.”
Belonging-centered leadership doesn’t mean letting emotions run the show. It means making space for them without shame. It means creating systems where adults can feel, process, and still move forward.
Because the truth is this: suppressed emotions stall progress. Acknowledged emotions make transformation possible.
Where to Go From Here
If you’re a leader wondering how to make room for emotions in your practice → Start the conversation below this post.
- Share this post with your team, and ask: “What emotions do we allow and which ones do we silence?”
- Reply to this email (or comment below if you post this on your site) and tell us what this looks like in your school.
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💬 We’re listening. Real transformation starts in real conversation.
